“Don’t lie to yourself, O my soul.
Love your God.”
~ Audrey Assad, “O My Soul”
Lying to myself….
Deeply buried is the belief that I can affect (control?) the wellness of my kids. Actually, not so deeply buried.
Even saying that opens the floodgates of thoughts, feelings, plans to help them.
Not my job.
Breaks my heart, but it also gives freedom.
My job is to love You, my God.
Oh, I love You.
In that yearning, longing aching way. Full of joy and pain.
My friend Lois describes C.S. Lewis’ experience with that longing: “Sehnsucht (a German word that embodies a huge theme in all of Lewis’s writings: Sehnsucht is the sense of deep, inconsolable longing, yearning, the feeling of intensely missing something when we don’t even know what it is. It is also related to his experiences of joy).”
“My soul thirsts for God,
for the living God.
When shall I come and appear before God?”
~ Psalm 42:2
I love You here enough to ache for eternity- Perfect Love! Where there is no more yearning. Only the realness of Emmanuel, God with us.
So, my job is not to make life good for my kids.
My job is to love my God.
Billy Graham, when he was 92, said “If I had it to do over again, I’d spend more time in meditation and prayer and just telling the Lord how much I love Him and adore Him and [am] looking forward the time we’re going to spend together for eternity.”
Sitting in Your presence.
Meditating on Your living Word.
Not rushing away.
Open to obedience.
What shall I do, Lord?
You name it.
Because of the power that raised Jesus from the dead in me, I will obey You.
Name it. I will obey You.
I Love You.
So, my job is to love You.
To linger long in Your presence.
That Living Water may soak to the very deepest roots of my soul.
Abiding in You.
“Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.” ~John 15:5
And I want to do nothing apart from You!!
I rest in You.
I love You, my God.